It Is Better To Be Silent During The Storm And Speak When It Is Calm

Human relationships are like a storm, we too collide and break down emotionally in our arguments, our disagreements, our differences.

When that storm arrives in which everything seems to come together, exhaustion, anger, misunderstanding and a casual trigger, many of us lose our patience to the point of saying things that we later regret.

It is not always easy to keep a cool head and a warm heart, but let’s learn to stay calm.

When the storm comes to our hearts

It is common to say that “our hearts have been broken”, or that “our hearts were full of anger.” However, the one who really feels the pain and the outrage is the brain, and it is he who unleashes the real storm.

Let’s see it in detail.

Discussions and physiological changes

When there is no other option and bad luck makes us meet in the middle of an argument, the first thing our brain feels is a “threat”.

• Our belief system, our balance or our truth is being attacked.
• We are offended because someone we respect is questioning something that is important to us.
• We feel threatened by words, ideas and a face that sometimes looks at us with threat or even contempt.

The brain identifies these situations as dangerous and, therefore, triggers an instinctive reaction that regulates the parasympathetic system. It prepares us to defend ourselves and also to escape:

• Your heart rate accelerates.
• Nerve impulses are sent to the muscles to prepare the movement, although what causes first is tremor, the same that we feel in our hands, stomach or legs.

• We experience general agitation, dry mouth and that almost gripping nervousness that prevents us from thinking clearly.

During the “storm” the brain cannot think

During those moments the brain only thinks about defending itself and activating our body for a possible escape reaction.

Therefore, he is unable to think calmly and speak correctly.

• Can  our defense mechanisms falling and no longer exists “that filter” that prevents us from saying certain things.
• Sometimes during that emotional storm we release each and every one of the feelings and thoughts that we have in mind.

We are completely sincere, but be careful, because we release what we feel charged with negativity, therefore, it is common to use words full of anger that we later regret.

So, although we may be relieved, over time we realize that saying certain things has not been the right thing to do.

Hush in the storm and speak in the calm

Keeping quiet during the storm to reserve energy for moments of clarity of mind will always be the most appropriate.

To do this, we can make use of the following strategies.

The defensive wall

When the disagreement arises, visualize a defensive wall in your mind.

• Behind that wall you are in a palace of calm, which has windows and from where you will be able to see and hear.
• Being in this relaxed space should allow you to listen to every word so that you can calmly analyze their point of view.
• While the other person “turns on” defending his point of view, we can position ourselves in indifference, calm and in that attitude where one is receptive, but does not want to give importance to the scream or negative emotions.

Assertiveness

When the discussion is over and time has passed, we will choose a good time to speak with the person in question. It must be made clear that we do not want new disagreements, or moments of tension.

• Believe it or not, speaking calmly but decisively causes the other person to remain silent and attend to us.
• We will assertively argue our position.
• Do not hesitate to use personal pronouns: “I feel”, “I want to”, “I understand you”.
• If the other person insists on the scream again, or understand your point of view.

Because there are discussions that, indeed, disagreements or bad moments are not worth when there is no will to understand.